Feels like.... Forever

It truly, feels like I haven't written in months. And the strangest thing is how I can feel this way and I haven't even had this blog for a month. But the past 10 days or so have been a whirlwind series of 24 hours cycles that have blended and coerced me into a mental hibernation. I have been thinking, it seems as though everything that goes on in my mind is analyzing something or finding an alternate solution to the same problem that may have sparked the question to ensite a solution in the first place. Part of it may be sleep deprivation. Of the 96 hours in the MLK Holiday weekend I was working just under 60 of those hours. And I think I was fighting off a cold and the onset of what felt like another case of strep throat...

But I'm back in the habit now. 

Thoughts in a Bottle

The Rules of Engagement

So I think I found the cure to schediophobia, well at least for me. I had a chat with one of my friends who is a professional illustrator and I asked him if he ever gets scared to draw or sketch anything. And to my surprise he said "Yes, every time he has to do something more than a personal doodle". I honestly relieved because when I looked up phobia of drawing I didn't find anything and I thought I was the only one. Just so you know schediophilia is the sexual attraction to drawings, so I dropped the philia and added phobia, to get schediophobia. The point of all this, is that my fear isn't as irrational as I thought in fact it's normal, because I have gotten the same feeling before I do other things that and more than something for my personal gain. Something else I learned or had an up close and personal experience with today is effort. I know that you get out what you put in but I hadn't really had any first hand experience on not giving full effort from start to finish until today. The short graphic novel that I turned in was voted by my Concept development class as the worst in class today. I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill but, my story was ranked last. I know someone had to be at the bottom, to I though there could be a possibility, but I didn't think it would happen to me. When I started drawing my graphic novel I put a lot of time and effort into it but that was before I added color. One of the requirements was color and I couldn't find any of my "pigment" makers except for water color paint and I didn't honk it was a good idea to add water color to non-water color paper. So as a last minute concession I bought a set of markers and colored my graphic novel. EPIC MISTAKE. I think I would have done my graphic novel more justice by just not having color. I think I need to plan without taking any big risks to be more successful.

محو الأمية البصرية

Today in Concept Development we had a conversation about Visual Literacy. But before we could really get into the subject we had to define what each word of the phrase means. Visual is what can be seen, and Literacy is the ability to read and write. So I came up with this: Visual Literacy is the ability to understand the concepts and ideas that can be experienced through sight. Reflecting on this a bit more I realized  that the concept of alphabet was the easiest and perfect example. When you see the letters that make up the words you're reading you understand that they make words and you understand the idea and concept behind those words and thus understand what I'm writing. There are  even a few things that the brain can understand even if things aren't quite written correctly. For example, spelling works backwards, or mixing up the letters one can still deduct the intended word(s) and understand the meaning. But if something were but in front of you in a different language you may not be able to understand the meanings of the character and thus will not be able to understand the concept or idea. And the same thing goes for images signs and basically anything that you can see. 

Next in class we shifted our thinking towards images, and how a picture is worth 1000 words, and how may words is a film worth. But I couldn't help but think about dreaming. I guess you can say I was daydreaming about dreaming, but it was all in reflection and on topic if Jimmy Moss ( Concept Development professor) is reading this. And what I got for my short period of reflection was that when we dream, usually we are very involved attached, even emotionally, to our dreams. But we don't technically see anything because we're sleep and our eyes ate closed. But the images that our subconscious creates is sometimes so vivid that our dreams can be more real and VISUAL than real life, at least to me. But when I try to explain my crazy dream to someone it's a minute or two of explanation, but this dream lasted over an hour. I'm sure unconsciously we don't have the same grasp and concept of time, but I think that our minds are so keen and adept at picking up details that just to process all the incoming information takes more time than it does to produce it.

P.S. محو الأمية البصرية means "Visual Literacy" in Arabic 

Schediaphobia...

I think I'm scared of drawing... It's been a while since I've had a pencil and a sketch pad, and now I have to draw everyday for a class assignment. I pretty sure I'm being irrational, but that's the thing about a phobia they are irrational fears so I think I'm perfectly within my limits. Honestly I think I care too much, most of the art that I've been producing is digital or photographic. But with drawing it's always either been there or not. Right now I don't feel it so I need to find something within myself to overcome my fear of drawing this is only day one of 70 and I'm totally freaking out man.

Wish me luck!

First Day Hum Drums

Today was the first day of the Winter School Quarter at Cal State LA. I'm usually not excited about the first day of school and today was no exception. Today marked the end of winter recess. I am how ever usually excited about the second time I meet for any particular class, unless its seems like its going to be a boring class, and so far that's not the case. Day one has ensured me that I have a quarter full of art work to from the creative corners and creases of my brain. Before the syllabi were passed out we played a game in my Creative Development class. You may or may not have heard or played this. One by one we stood up and stated our name and three statements about ourselves to the rest of the class. The kicker is that only two statements were supposed to be true and the other one false. My statements were...

1. I am a native Southern Californian

2. I speak three languages.

3. I have a younger brother that is 19 years younger than I am.

I have played this game before both on paper and in live action. But I didn't realize how good I had gotten at it. An overwhelming amount of the class thought that the first statement was false, but little did they know I've lived in Southern California my whole life, aside from my freshman year in college when I lived in the dorms of an Oregon community College. I personally was shocked because the one thing about me that has always been true and never changed about me was the one easiest to dismiss as an untruth. But the bigger question is if that's a compliment, to have transcended the identity of a Southern California in a world that is become more and more a global society each day. The second most popular answer of mine that was voted as an untruth was that my youngest brother isn't 19 years younger than me. There was some brief discussion and the debate focused on the specifics of the age difference. "Your younger brother isn't 19 years younger than you he's 17 years younger" the teacher Mr. Moss jokingly stated. But again he and the other voters of this statement as a non-truth were wrong. The one statement that was completely false, I don't think anyone guess correctly. It's a goal of mine to speak at least three languages, but as of today, I only speak one. 

"You are a very good liar"

Hesitantly I thanked him, as to add some humor to a slightly awkward situation. I didn't think to much of it at first but as my own silence set in. I personally made a conscious decision to tell the truth a few years ago, at all times, avoiding even simple lies because I had in truth become good at lying. Later in class I was reassured that the little white lies were told were evidence of each students personal persuasive power.  That same persuasive power is what gets us the job, gets us out of a ticket, gets us one step closer to being the individual that we'd all like to be.